Satire- Stop If Sensitive

How to protest? A WOKE framework

Frameworks are important and the protestors (farmers/students/minorities/caste discriminated humans/professors/standup comics/artists) are not MBA hence unaware of how to go about actions in a way it leads to an orgasm. Sorry organisation*.
Let us help you with- how to do a peaceful protest.

WOKE- a 4 step guide to nirvana protests.

W- we
First of all, you have to understand protest isn’t about you. It’s about we. We all are in this together. I understand your problems as an MBA because I read it in the best book written by a professor who’s great grand father’s brother-in-law’s neighbor was a zameendar. That means “we” are in this together so you should take my help before starting a protest and know my humble (saw modesty) opinion about it.

O- objective

Now that we are on the same page and in bed together, what’s the objective and vision of this protest. We need to make a detailed presentation on the same. We can use dark shades for the background to show we are serious but it shouldn’t come as too bold. Can we say our objective is to visit Delhi because the winter there is famous? No? Okay. What about a much-awaited vacation post-covid? Okay no again? Do you see how important this exercise is for a successful protest? It needs such long-term planning.

K- knowledge
Now that we are moving towards finalising the objective, you need to understand that you don’t have the right knowledge about what you are fighting for. It’s called humility. Whatever you understand is your perspective and conditioning, you don’t know it. I do because I read it in organisation behaviour. I spent 35L so one day I can come and help you make this protest peaceful. I have the right knowledge and you have the right profile. Let’s accept that.

E- extremeness
Now that we are ready, let’s take permission from local authorities and make this protest more fun. We don’t want to make anything extreme because why should we be in the news or disturb others. What if they get angry and start buying machines to make wheat at home. No. Let’s rebrand this. We will protest from home using VR headsets. Oh wait. What do you mean you sold your home? What do you mean what’s VR? God. Okay. We will hire a place and sit there in Vipassana for two weeks. That will definitely get us the eyeballs of sponsors. I mean government. Also, let’s be open to suggestions and maybe we can accept placements from some top companies. If Reliance comes to hire farmers, that’s a win. I learnt this in negotiation class at my college. Also, we shouldn’t be violent in our response, that just doesn’t work in our way. Have you watched big boss? Whenever anyone gets violent they kick them out. Oh, no TV. Okay. So, we need to show them strength. If they hit you (I will be busy making PPT for you ya) get hit, don’t retaliate. Show them you are strong. Oh, 120 people died? Come on we have many more. It’s called collateral damage I learnt it in my..

So, this was a 4 step guide to a successful peaceful protest. Follow the framework and tag me and my friends and my family and my college and my professor and my cutu dog on Instagram and leave a review on LinkedIn. Oh internet cut Kar dia. Bye.

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